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Australian alumna author reveals secrets to intimacy

- By Deborah Minors

Author and arts/law alumna Joanne Fedler and psychotherapist Graeme Friedman tackle tough questions around intimacy and the issues that prejudice relationships in It Doesn't Have to Be So Hard (Random House, September 2012). The book offers guidance by examining the relationships of a family of characters each involved in a relationship that resonates with all of us; married, involved but unmarried, single, suddenly single, etc. 

The authors write, "In this book we lift the veils and examine the lives of these characters to uncover the deeper problems in their pursuits for love including: 

  • how our parents' relationship/s affect both our ability to be in one and shape us as people
  • the big (hidden) meanings behind the small things
  • what happens when familiarity kills eroticism, love goes stale and boredom kicks in
  • why healthy intimacy relies on boundaries
  • what happens when couples reach gridlock
  • when it's time to part ways

Combining the insights of Eastern philosophy and modern psychology, the book tackles the toughest of questions around intimacy, like:

  • Why do some of us find it so hard to find 'the right' person?
  • Why does romance sometimes sour into incompatibility?
  • How do we keep passion and intimacy alive with the same person over time?
  • Does an 'affair' signal the death of intimacy?
  • Why is a bit of conflict good and necessary to keep passion alive?
  • Why do some of us get trapped in repeating the same destructive patterns in relationships?
  • Why do some of us desire unavailable or destructive lovers, and get turned off by 'nice' people?"

Joanne Fedler studied English and Law at Wits in the late '80s. She completed postgraduate legal studies at Yale University. She championed women's rights, counselled abused women and established a not-for-profit advocacy centre. In 2004, Hustler magazine named her 'Asshole of the Month' for her views that violent pornography undermined women’s equality. She considers this award a great honour.

Fedler is an established author whose other books include The Reunion (2012), When Hungry, Eat (2010), Things Without a Name (2008), Secret Mother’s Business (2006), The Dreamcloth (2005), amongst others. She lives in Sydney.

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